wordmy life is a dramatic parody
sushiinthesky
read my profile
sign my guestbook

Country: Canada
State: British Columbia
Metro: Vancouver
Birthday: 9/19/1987
Gender: Female


Interests: Does it even matter?
Expertise: Living a lie
Occupation: Student


Message: message meEmail: email me
MSN: Ish_mania


Member Since: 7/22/2004

SubscriptionsSites I Read
Absent_Elements02
shafman_00
asiaticlily
PG15
azn_forlorn_110
Medley
VeridianDusk

Blogrings
~[CSP 2004-2005]~
previous - random - next


Posting Calendar

|<< oldest | newest >>|
view all weblog archives

Get Involved!

Suggest a link

Recommend to friend

Create a site


Sunday, October 16, 2005

i have spent the last hour or so slitting my wrists and arm. and contemplating my life as such. and there isn't much there at all. nothing really.


Saturday, October 15, 2005

why i am doing this when i desperately need to study....i don't know.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey

Name: Ish

Birthday: Sept 19th/87

Birthplace: Ludhiana, India

Current Location: Surrey/Vancouver BC, Canada

Eye Color: light brownish with green pond muck in it

Hair Color: dark brown

Height: five two dawg

Right Handed or Left Handed: lefty

Your Heritage: Well seeing i was born in india...

The Shoes You Wore Today: i haven't worn shoes today. it goes from orsis skates, to converse all stars high tops of a green colour to one stars that are black

Your Weakness: random personalities and skinny white boys. don't ask.

Your Fears: fear itself

Your Perfect Pizza: cheese. lots and lots of cheese.

Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: try not to fall head over heels for someone and a better average. i know. i'm a dork.

Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: uber and lol

Thoughts First Waking Up: shit i'm late

Your Best Physical Feature: i like my eyes i think.

Your Bedtime: when my mind lets me

Your Most Missed Memory: something

Pepsi or Coke: coke kills orgasms. but it's still better.

MacDonalds or Burger King: both have like one vegitarian item on their menu. it's your guess.

Single or Group Dates: depends

Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: nestea

Chocolate or Vanilla: both

Cappuccino or Coffee: cappuccino

Do you Smoke: nope

Do you Swear: like a motherfucker

Do you Sing: not veryt well, but yes i do

Do you Shower Daily: most weekdays. don't come near me on the weekends.

Have you Been in Love: i don't know what to call it

Do you want to go to College: in university

Do you want to get Married: someday

Do you belive in yourself: somedays

Do you get Motion Sickness: oh yes. i'm the king of all things to get sick with motio

Do you think you are Attractive: not particularily

Are you a Health Freak: for something things. although i have the worst health of anyone i know

Do you get along with your Parents: ah, NO

Do you like Thunderstorms: usually

Do you play an Instrument: i'm learning the guitar. and i play the harmonium.

In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: no

In the past month have you Smoked: no

In the past month have you been on Drugs: no

In the past month have you gone on a Date: no

In the past month have you gone to a Mall: no

In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: no

In the past month have you eaten Sushi: no

In the past month have you been on Stage: no

In the past month have you been Dumped: no

In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: no

In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no

Ever been Drunk: nope

Ever been called a Tease: yes

Ever been Beaten up: no

Ever Shoplifted: no

How do you want to Die: don't really know. have i wanted to die. yes.

What do you want to be when you Grow Up: not to sure yet

What country would you most like to Visit: not to sure. i do want to go back to india again

Favourite Eye Color: blue, green, grey,brown

Favourite Hair Color: depends on the person

Short or Long Hair: on the longer side

Height: i don't particularily care seeing most people tower over me

Weight: "you must be 135 pounds or less to have sex with me, seeing my loft bed can't hold more than that". i on the other hand, don't really care.

Best Clothing Style: i don't know what to call it. emo-punkish-prep with those days of uber grunge

Number of Drugs I have taken: too many.

Number of CDs I own: too little

Number of Piercings:2

Number of Tattoos: don't have one............ yet

Number of things in my Past I Regret: a few


Wednesday, October 12, 2005

for you all, the few that read this, know enough about me for me not to feel like a freak about what i will continue to write, it's difficult for such a subject to come up, and give a response i'm not ashamed of. i'm rather sick. in more ways than one. that you may know. or not. yet it came up yesterday. my pills. and i was asked. i avoided answering. some i don't mind. the acid reflux. my h.pylori infection. my burnt intestines. the intestinal bowel disease. the irritable bowel syndrome. the anemia. binge eating. the bouts of starvation. the physicals aren't so bad. it hurts. but not to the point to where i am ashamed. then come the others. the ocd. the depression. the scars. people ask. what happened? and i lie. i can't tell them. i'm too ashamed for them to learn of my state. so i don't. but when they do find out. the few that know. i see them change. i'm a different person. to them now. not the same. but a creep. a stranger. who in their right mind does that to them selves? if i had a right mind. i want to say. if i had i right mind. my arms wouldn't be downed in scars. and i lie. and lie. and when does it ever stop? because it doesn't. ever stop. the thoughts. prying my eyelids open. seeping into cranium. my mind is an abyss. i lose myself in it. i've lost myself in it.


Thursday, October 06, 2005

sometime between then and now, i lost my mind. and the only way i have every recover is to lose it again. the time in between my insanity is surrounded by radical compulsions of the mind, that pinch my cranium. obsessively they occur. for a ranging bout of time. and then again lost in the hopeless abyss of uncontrolable insanity. it started years back. those voices of authority in my mind told me what to think. over. again. compulsivly. causing physical movements. of no reason. and then the cuts came. the blood. and the scars. the only thing i had control over was the blade. the precision. the pain i could take. for how long. the edge scratched the skin was up to the reprinding voice. how bad had i been? what did i do today? what fear would rack my body, causing mass convulsions? the fear was utterly unbearable. the static never cleared. the music louder than it. helped. and then stopped. and again, the grainy noise filled my head. i was wrong. fully wrong. in creation. in flesh. out came the ink. of my last. i wrote. over and over again. the tears flowed. i purged my mind. i purged my soul. enough for the grain to lessen. and i laugh at the idea of any understanding of my condition. from others. i am the same. the same patient the psychiatrist has seen everyday of her life. no different. pop those pills. you'll be better. go on. all they do is correct the imbalences. fix you. you broken girl. broken from the pain, the convulsions of fear, of loss, and utter seclusion. alone. i am alone. completely, and wholy alone. and to understand that feeling. is impossible for you. and the smile i greet you with is my upside down frown. for which is harder to complete than peeling back layers of skin with a blunt knife. forgive me.


Tuesday, September 27, 2005

cfox is an absurdly amazing radio station. radio. word. on the internet. which defeats the purpose of. yet. it works. i had a revelation of nailpolishing as of yesterday. my chipped blue polish. now has this ridiculous hot pink around it. makes for a rather random look. black eyeliner is hot. blue makes it more so. a new nirvana cd. best of the box. with three new tracks. heterochromatin. most condensed form of chromatin. dawg. i have no idea how the gorillaz are going to do a live performance. in manchester. seeing they are a bunch of cartoon characters. that would be a worthwhile show to go to. and so would have NIN. and greenday. tonight. my heart breaks. i'm a polygimist. i'm marrying all of geroge stroumboulopoulos, daniel radcliffe and the dude from reth. shallow bastard i am. based on how relatively good looking they all happen to be. i was going to forget all about that shit called myspace.com. until i found that billy talent has one. so i'm willing to bear creepy people and their dirty thoughts. simply cos bt has a new song up. on myspace. word. and there are too many emo-punk anorexic fuckers out there. you put me to shame with your size 1 pants. and you happen to all be boys. and the emo-punk girls are all. not. fuckers. awww, ish is all upset. i wonder why? she says sacastically. i have no toilet paper. how to go to the loo? i wonder. i "banked" today. like actually went to bank. and sat down and shit in the cubicle. you have no idea how cool that can be. specially when the 30 something year old in a business suit talks about my chemical romance. it's qutie swell. and the quiz. oi. and the moss. that wonderful moss of mine. marry me. boys and penises are rather gross. and so is paris hilton. but boogers are fucking hot. have you ever picked your nose at prime? it's like bliss. and now ish is going to go. and sit. and eat some strawberries. cos they are red. and have seeds. why are so many children bastards? like real bastards? it's rather sad. "yes, you actually ARE a bastard". and thats all we have time for today, folks. out.



Next 5 >>